I am feeling High And ... !

Damn he says " behtaram!"

I am happy!

None of my fucking buisiness,

I'll continue writing in here untill I get my notebook back in the new apartment,




Oh she, Oh she, she she !:)))))))

I know what the hell girl!



Ali koochooloo,che khoobo naaze....:D:P Repeat?


Oh tonight!



I know We shall meet tomorrow,

It is only you that I have girl,


Our Eyes oF Similar Shape,

Our Eyes Of Despair,

Your Eyes of DiscoverIeS!

My EyEs of Mysteries :>


Ghaboool Ghabooll...Har che ke gofti roo cheshmam ghabool...

Here,

I promise

Not to write

One Word

About the past.



Makes me sick.

Still makes me sick.

As sick as last night.

As sick as yesterdays...

It's a damn Friday,

I long to go shopping tomorrow with Saba,

I cant keep money in the pocket,

That's my nature.


It would be fun, Moving to a new house,

At this attitude I stand in , at this period of my life,

My Premiere perfume got finished yesterday,

Buying a new one, Bringing a new sense to life,

Beginning a new life...


Yesterday I decided to put an end to writing again,

But I don't really have any other hobby after studying uni lessons,

Oh god,

Studying,

I know.

I know damn why.

"Do you think that we'll ever be bf-gf!? " he asks,

"I hope we'll never spoil our kind of sweet friendship." She answers.


She rejects , though she's not sure.

That's what girls often do.

Brainless.

Thoughtless.

Moody.

Girls are.

Mama comes home,

She is pretty, I believe,

I love her,

"let's party tonight!" I shout,

as we begin to dance,

In an empty hall.


She is lovely.

I adore her,

My eternal love,

I'm sure.

It fucking sucks that I still call you "you" in my writings,

It fucking damn sucks that I still write about what you said, what you called me , what

your damn comments were, how you felt, how I did, fuck you,,,you,,,you.



But remembering you doesn't make me sick at all anymore,

I am free inside.



Your residues are just the games my mind play on the paper.I am sure.

I am beginning to feel sick again,

After a long time,

It sucks,



House is empty,

Parents should never leave me home alone.



I am fragile, fragile, fragile.


"so touchy" as you used to call.

Selfish Helli Guys!

Once you quoted me this paragraphe :

"Love is the name, fuck is the game, forget the name , play the game,"

I don't remember then, But now I am sure about its accuracy,


Love, Love ,Love,

Illusions of virgins.


Love exists but not the way a virgin considers it to be.


I call it : Hallucination.



To me loves means Security, To be in love with someone means to feel secure with, to

be intimate, to feel close enough mentally to get close physically, Someone who

would NOT bring more tensions to my life than make me feel relaxed and joyful.

I never knew NGO stands for No Girlfriends Organization.

Perfect life,

Heh!, But honestly, if there was no women in the world ,

there was no motivation to live,



Btw, I like to have a daughter,

I want her to be as perfect as me,

I wanna enjoy seeing her,



She just needs to be more brave,

Unlike me,

tell me marjoon,

How the fuck are you gonna live alone in a foreign country?

I need to hear someone call me " sweety, sweetheart,honey,deary, little joons, my love, my only,etc. " on a lonely Thursday evening.


I like sweet seducing lies !

If someone is not gonna do something,,

He shall never damn promise that,



He shall not even talk about the subject.

I hate having multiple sex partners,

that's probably why I hate having a boyfriend...

I am sure he would have sex with anyother girl too,

I am fucking pessimistic on men,



"Oh my pessimistic friend!" as you wrote.

Reading people's confessions on internet,

just makes me long to hear my ex-friend's confessions,

oh I really long to hear!

I know it would no longer hurt!



If I could turn back time...

I would make him talk the last time for sure...

Though I doubt if I would manage.

I love him when I read his posts.

Feels like something is wrong with him.



I like boys' kind of sadness,

Deciphering their deepest sorrows.

You asked me to remind you bring the gifts you've bought,


"I've bought you 2 gifts recently," you said,

I grinned, and replied: " really?"


Btw, I still remember the birthday present you gave me after 5 months delay ,

telling the truth , I hate those 2 teddy bears ,

I hope you forget to bring me my gifts this time,

I know it's hard to believe.

I hate the foolish discussions that end up in misery ,

I've not been getting involved so long,



Our night to morning talks that ended up in happiness and joy,

We'll never forget for sure.

I'll never be marjoon13 again...

I was always waiting for a moment like this to come,


A maturity , and stablity that I never owned,




After all these years...

Trying...

How could I have been this way? So long...

My dark writings,



How everything changes...And How we become what we "ever" wanted.

Tuesday : Leo Ludwick



"last tuesday we went out,
that little cafe you picked,
was gorgeous . your hair glimmering,
lightened by the soft sunlight that
filtered through stained and streaky
windows.the sweetness of your skin was
gently mixed with the smell of
cheap cigarette smoke.You went on
about something,honestly i don't remmeber what.
I was lost,staring at your eyes and the pools of reflection that
form between you and me."



This poem reminds me of you,

Remember then? we went out to all those cafes,

where you were always about to fall at the entrance,

Made me laugh,

Your cigarettes , My Eyes,

Your silence, My eyes again.



Long time, No kiss,

I know how you yearned for one then.

I remember how I longed too,

You never asked,

Though If you did ,I would have refused.

He has fucked up my mind,

His look,

His pretty face,

after a long time,

He did not say a word,

He did not stay.



I don't care at all.

I am not sure.

I hear Mama washing the dishes,

I do not go help her,

I feel ashamed.

I spent my day with Elno today,

she is still the same.


I love people who change more often,


I just did not love it about him,


he should have never changed :(

She feels mature,

They feel she seems mature too,

They say she's changed a lot.



She is pretty, wise and understanding.

Yet I do not trust her.

Saw him today,after 5 months, not in his car, He was getting on the taxies to Vanak, he stopped, stared at me,

the same I did, first I did not recognize him, maybe I did, maybe I just felt I did not,

I shaked my hand , he did too, or maybe did not, I don't remember well,

He got on the taxi, and left.




I got on the next taxi, stared in the mirror whole time on the way,

checked my mobile every minute too,

maybe I was waiting for a message.

I love it when the teacher says this is a fucking hard course of graduate studies,

I love to do the hardest things.

I love electrical circuits,

it reminds me of our early highschool studies.



University is no longer the same with my laptop.
My best boyfriend ever.

It never leaves me, You know? It does exactly what I want it to do.
I didn't need a boyfriend.I needed a slave,
Sure I did :D

-"won't you please talk ? that's what you'd promised ! "

-"I will talk to you after your first long kiss honey. "

...

-"now won't you still talk ? " [ gasping in pain ]

-"Baby,why don't you see ? I have been talking to you since then."



This is how couples understand eachother's language.

This is how I hate couples.

He asks her if she has understood what the video meant,

"yes, but what did you found ? " she asks,

He repeats the most obvious things one could have got from the video,

she smiles and nods, " ooh,yeah, I had never thought that way, " she replies.



She is so damn "she".

I say I believe in no rules and laws,


our relationship is messed up because of your rude and abnormal behaviours,


you say you believe in no rules too,


I wonder if I am lying or something else is wrong here.

I love to get famous and Rich,

I love to get admission from best universities world wide,

I long to be a damn worthy programmer, engineer or something,


I don't long to hold you anylonger.


I loved none of these before.
People change.

Couples get used to eachother,

only because of their private moments of touch and kiss.


Couples have nothing in common,

but a vague promise to stay with eachother.


Couple would mean non-sense,

while both get involved with sexual relationships with "others" too.


I love you meant nothing to me,

I love you meant I Longed to have him,

I was damn lying to myself.

I was filming everything.

I hate watching girls on the street recently,

I hate the girls I see in university,

I hate girls,the way I loved them before.



Girls are nothing but two breasts and a butt.

I hate Dido.

Only because she loved Dido.

Only because I hated "her" madly ,

Only because she loved you.



I was jealous the way girls are,then.

She wants to put away "the flowers",

She loves them,

No she doesn't.

She loved them maybe,

Maybe never.

see "her" sometimes,

fucks up my mind,
have never talked to her,but he has talked to me about her,
she had felt jealous of our "walk",

guess he said the same about me to her too,

Oh , It fucks my mind when I think about it.

why the fuck ...

He asked her not to write anything ,

He asked her not to tell anyone,



She wrote some words about,

She told her best friend ever too,



He didn't ask her to forget it,
But,


She did.

-

Sure I don't want him to,

Sure he doesn't want me to,

Sure we shant mistake.

Sure He knows.Better than I.

I guess he saw her too,

as she was passing by,

But I don't know if he felt the same :

"why the fuck we did this?"

"I came here today because of my "pride" " he said , as he held her one last time ,
and kissed her.

She never understood what he meant.

Walls could have talked.

But now she is moving.

I am afraid if showing up this blog to my friends would make troubles later on,

For the posts I am considering in my head...Might seems offensive to some.

What do you think?

She is not jealous. But they are.

Girls I mean.

She listens to Fadaaye Saret song,

kind of garbage pop music.

She feels ashamed.

I really hate it when my dad and brother watch a Football game on a holiday evening.

I long to smash the TV.

She feels bored today.

It's a Friday evening.

She feels like she want her ex-friend back,but she doesn't even make a try.

"Forget about it , you're just nagging little girl!" She murmurs as she starts to feel better.

She is 18.She's what she ever wanted to be.

Mama was packing the books today.

She's started to read a book called "Rules in Couples' Relationships" which she found then.

Her eyes don't see well.

But she sounds so interested.She is looking for her glasses now.

"Mom is eager in divorce" I wondered now again.

Grandma cried yesterday.

It smelled like oil all around her house.

She went downstairs to checkout the car.

She came back in a moment. "I was not as weak as now before" she said as she burst into tears.

I heard grandpa cry, while he was possibly hearing grandma crying ,too.

This is her first Post,

She is not certain if she wants to keep writing or not.

She is not certain what to write.

Oh she...